I'm A Mess But I'm Trying (Like The Soundtrack To Your Movie)
by yourknightingale
Summary: Soulmate AU (based on a Tumblr post) where everytime your soulmate is listening to a song or sings, you can hear it too.


Out of the 7 billion people in this world, Beca isn't like any of them at all. Ratio-wise, she's probably one in a billion. Or she's hoping there's only at least 7 like her existing.

See, this world has its unique way of keeping population in tact. When a person turns 20, they'll start hearing music no one else does. And this music is connected to the one that's supposedly for them, for life.

It works well because people actually get to stay in love 80% of the time. Her parents met this way and yes, they'd been very much in love with each other. Unfortunately, the other 20% is of illegal and morbid in nature. That percentage includes politics, corruption, black market, etc. which in effect, still balances the yin and yang of life.

But no, she's not on the dark side. That's not why she's one in a billion.

She's one of the few who actually hates music. In this world, it's considered rare, almost an illness but science just couldn't figure it out or back it up.

If she can avoid it, she would.

As a little girl, she's very fond of The Little Mermaid and would sing Part Of Your World every single day. Her father would even play it for her on the piano. It was only when she was 10, the day her mother was fatally injured in a car crash and succumbed to it a few hours later, that she related to King Triton so much more than her favourite mermaid.

Her mother was her angel, her heroine, her light. She brought tears to anyone who would hear her sing. She was music, the life of the house, the fun of the party. She taught Beca how to sing and they did a lot of duets together. Her voice was the lullaby to Beca's childhood. It was the voice of love and reason and when it was gone, so was everything with it.

Beca's sense of love and reason diminished the same time the music died in their household.

She's told she matured faster for her age. It's true. What other choice did she have? She understood her father during those times but for a kid, it was a very defining moment. He was so devastated with his loss that he forgot about her daughter. His despondency led him to not be able to speak for months. When he found his voice, every interaction he had with Beca was dull and forced and monotonous. He lived like that until she turned 16, an age where she can take over adult responsibilities better. He stopped trying then. For two more years, Beca took care of her dad who never bounced back from losing a wife and died in his sleep one morning.

She's been alone at home for almost 2 years since. Her life so far has been a movie, only one where there's no soundtrack.

The clock is ticking.

3 more minutes until midnight.

Until she turns 20.

Until she hears what she fears.

This fear races through her mind. What if her soulmate is one of those who listens to music every hour of every day? What if they listen to metal? Or worse, sings metal? Or what if it's classical? Or worse, sings arias and broadway? Or what if they're into some weird genres? Or worse, sings weird genres?

She's avoided it for 10 years but she knows it's inevitable. It's coming! She's been preparing for this as best as she could but one can never really prepare enough, right?

She doesn't think she's ready.

But too late.

 _Cut me down_

 _But it's you who has further to fall_

 _Ghost town, haunted love_

 _Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones_

 _I'm talking loud not saying much_

Beca closes her eyes, hoping if she does, it will go away.

 _I'm bulletproof nothing to lose_

 _Fire away, fire away_

She reaches for her noise-cancelling headphones. This is how she managed to live.

 _Ricochet, you take your aim_

 _Fire away, fire away_

 _You shoot me down but I won't fall_

 _I am titanium_

 _You shoot me down but I won't fall_

 _I am titanium, I am titanium_

"Shoot me, indeed," she mutters out loud, ripping said headphones off her head and throwing the item into the wall. "You're useless now."

Her head falls in between her knees that she's been hugging since midnight. So do the tears. The sting is coming back to her but she's no stranger to this kind of pain. She lets herself go.

At least, it's not metal. Or classical. Or a weird genre.

Beca learns to accept her fate as the days go by. There's no use fighting it since nothing, literally nothing can stop the music from playing. She listens to her soulmate's playlist in pure agony, not because their taste is bad (she admits it's pretty great) but because it's been years and all of sudden, this is her life now? That these songs just become part of her? This takes effort and time to adjust to! Her soulmate just won't understand.

On the other hand, she's never heard a voice yet. She wonders if it's a good thing or not. With this ordeal, it's still difficult for Beca to reciprocate.

4 months in and Beca has listened to Ace of Base, The Bangles, Bruno Mars, Miley Cyrus, X Ambassadors, Nelly, and an insurmountable (it seems) list of artists and bands against her will. Her soulmate is not messing around with their choices and Beca wonders if they know she can hear them now since she still hasn't played back anything or sang any song.

 _You shout it out_

 _But I can't hear a word you say_

"There's that song again! Geez, what's so great about this anyway? I don't even-" Beca notices however that this one's a different version. There are no instruments. Somebody else is singing. It's of a woman's voice and this causes a tug in her heartstrings.

 _I'm talking loud, not saying much_

This is her.

This is her soulmate.

This is her soulmate's voice.

She knows. She feels it. She can't breathe properly as her soulmate continues to sing.

 _I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet_

 _You shoot me down, but I get up_

She's not even sad. Yet, it seems like it's natural for a single tear to trickle down her cheek.

Like it's expected that her chest will constrict upon hearing this sound.

Like her heart should thump with the same beat as the tune.

Like her mouth is supposed to hang open as a reaction to this revelation.

 _I'm bulletproof nothing to lose_

 _Fire away, fire away_

 _Ricochet, you take your aim_

 _Fire away, fire away_

 _You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium_

First, her mother. Then her dad. She's gone through the depressing times and the trauma. She survived them. Barely. But she's still here.

 _You shoot me down but I won't fall_

 _I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium_

Now, she's pretty sure her soulmate will be the death of her.

Her soulmate should not be this unknown face with an angelic voice. This may get complicated and problematic for both of them. Beca doesn't know how to handle this.

She remembers why she hates music. It's a fear.

 _I am titanium_

She falls to the ground in the middle of the kitchen. She covers her ears and rocks her body back and forth to try and distract herself.

She's not ready. She's still not ready.

Over the course of 6 more months, she spirals. There have been good days. There have been bad days. She's been through this cycle before. The only difference is this movie has a soundtrack now. It's just in the background as she continues to live her life as close to normal as possible.

Her soulmate, so innocent and unaware, seems to have been through ups and downs as well, the evidence through her song choices. But she manages to break free from it, it seems, and somehow, it has an effect on Beca.

Beca snaps somewhere between the 7th and the 8th month.

"It can't go on like this." She takes an empty notebook and starts writing lyrics. Like real actual song lyrics.

Her only source of keys and tunes are from memory. Her dad played the piano well and her mom taught her to sing this way. She's unsure if she still has perfect pitch but she knows it's in her blood.

She finds songwriting therapeutic. This becomes her escape. She hasn't sung anything yet and won't until she polishes this one.

Beca spends her days like this – writing words and imagining the notes in her head as she jots them down. Until finally, the day has come.

She's turning 21 in 5 minutes as she sits on the piano chair.

Her soulmate is on the last chorus of Titanium by David Guetta. What's new?

As her mystery girl sings the final two lines _You shoot me down but I won't fall_ , Beca unconsciously joins in and harmonizes with her.

 _I am titanium_ , she sings.

Then the line gets cut off.

After that, it's silence.

Beca can't help but think she freaked out the other person. She assumes she wasn't heard.

It's too quiet.

Then the clock strikes 12. Perfect.

Beca heaves a deep sigh and her fingers move over the black and white keys. She starts playing her song, the one she's been composing in her head for more or less two months.

The intro is exactly how she imagined it to be but her voice is wavering as she goes in with her verse.

 _Don't be afraid, it's me_

 _Took me this long, I'm sorry_

 _Just know that I've been listening for a while_

 _Ooooh_

She's a little out of tune, voice a little raspy on the first line. It's obvious she's not as prepared as she thought. But Beca is fighting tears. She's nervous and doesn't even know if her soulmate can hear her.

She picks herself up on the second verse albeit quivering.

 _Please tell me this is okay_

 _I know waiting is not a game_

 _So in the hopes of seeing you, this I'll try_

 _Ooooh_

She's doing fine. She knows. She's just hoping somebody is listening.

 _Meet me at the café, at 7_ _th_ _lane_

 _In downtown Portland, Maine_

 _On Friday, I'll be waiting for you there_

 _7 in the evening, I think it's only fair_

 _That we finally get to know each other_

 _This is an apology_

 _And a nice to meet you_

 _If you give me the chance_

 _I can tell you're into music and dance_

 _And I'll be willing to_

 _And I'll be there_

 _Ooooh_

This is the boldest Beca has been. The moment her song ends, regret kicks in. Panic kicks in. It has been one plus a decade since she's given up on music.

Music rules this world. It, for sure, didn't give up on Beca.

So Beca manages to face her fears.

Her parents would've been proud.

Friday rolls in and Beca is overwhelmed. She's excited. She's nervous. She doesn't know what to expect but at the same time, she's pretty chill. On the outside, she's cool. But she's definitely dying inside.

She's waiting in the coffee shop. She's 5 minutes early. She's fidgeting in her seat, fingers tapping on her thigh.

The barista from the counter is eyeing her and so are the elderly couple across her table. There are too many eyes watching her that she feels the need to get out. She breathes deeply and calms herself down. She stands up from her seat and heads to the washroom.

Once she gets a little privacy in the washroom, she immediately splashes her face with cold water. She then paces back and forth, wiping her face, and thinking, "She won't like me. I'm a mess. How does this soulmate thing work if we won't like each other? She's heavenly and I'm so dark. I can't, why did I do this? She's going to hate me. It took me a year to respond. She seems so into music. And I'm trying but I'm not quite there yet. Then we'll have nothing in common. Best case scenario: We'll meet, be friends, but end up in a mutual decision that we're part of the 20% who won't be endgame. Worst case scenario: I'll like her and eventually fall in love with her."

There is no break on that train but it derails when she hears someone coming in the washroom. Beca quickly hides in one of the stalls, still overthinking and panicking.

"What if I'll like her? What do I even do? I'm just me. She won't like me. I'm a mess," she thinks, a pattern unknowingly settling in her state of mind.

Suddenly, Titanium comes on.

 _I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose_

As if on cue, Beca starts singing. Out loud.

 _Fire away, fire away_

She opens her stall and sees the back of a girl with red locks washing her hands in the sink. She doesn't seem to notice Beca but Beca's chest is already beating like a drum.

 _Ricochet, you take your aim_

5 seconds. It takes Beca 5 seconds to figure out Titanium is not from the coffee shop radio.

 _Fire away, fire away_

It's a duet now. In perfect harmony.

The redhead finally turns towards Beca's direction, a playful smile on her lips, and the faucet drips to a stop.

 _You shoot me down but I won't fall_

 _I am titanium_

Beca is rooted on the spot, lost in the eyes of the girl on fire.

 _You shoot me down but I won't fall_

 _I am titanium_

The woman flashes her a wide smile and Beca reciprocates. They hold each other's gaze longer until Beca reaches her hand out and shyly says, "I'm Beca."

"Chloe," the redhead replies as she takes Beca's hand.

Surprised and unprepared, Beca lets out a slight shriek as Chloe pulls her in for a hug.

"I'm so glad that I finally met you." She whispers and her breath tickles her neck.

She hides a blush but Chloe is already entwining their fingers out of the washroom. She leads both of them to find a table and order their drink.

They sit across from each other. Beca keeps avoiding eye contact but she feels Chloe is looking at her.

"You're staring," Beca starts. "I'm- I'm not used to it."

"You shouldn't be this cute if you don't want me to stare." Chloe gives her a wink. " I mean, you also have a beautiful voice. How high does your belt go?"

Beca frowns, "My what?" She shakes her head and doesn't wait for a reply, "Uh, I'm not, I'm not really into uhm, into music… but thanks."

She's expecting the other girl to call her a freak or laugh at her or mock her because it really is unnatural for someone to say they're not into music. Not if it's one of the core of basic urges. Food, sleep, sex, sleep-preservation, and music.

Chloe appears unfazed. "Oh, well, I hope my taste didn't scare you or turn you off. I wouldn't want that."

"No, no, no," She stammers, still processing the unexpected response from Chloe. "You're amazing."

Her cheeks heat up after that release of compliment. She's not used to this kind of conversation.

"You're not bad yourself. Did you write that song?" Chloe asks this question without any trace of maliciousness. Beca can't find her words so she adds, "You know, 'cause you said you're not into music but you sang that song and it's very specific so I thought mayb-"

"Yes," Beca interjects. "Yes, I did."

It's a wrong decision to look at the redhead after she affirms it because Beca is met by a pure and soft caring face. It makes her heart melt that she can sense the genuine love from Chloe. Guilt washes over.

"I'm sorry it took me a year to let you know I exist." She looks down at nothing in particular. "I'm just taking my time, I guess. It's kinda personal. I'm not yet ready to really talk about it."

Chloe grabs her hand over the table and gives it a squeeze, "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to. It can wait."

She can only purse her lips in an attempt to smile.

Her hand is freed when Chloe pulls back to tell her story, "I can tell you this. For the longest time, I thought you're deaf. Not that it's going make me like you less but a friend of a friend of mine has a cousin who met her soulmate this way. She didn't hear anything for 5 years even. She went to Canada for some reasons and she met him at a voice lesson for special people. Apparently, he tried his hardest to learn how to hum at least so she can find him. And it worked! Could you imagine? They live in different countries but of all places, they happened to be in the same one at the right time. Guess fate just finds a way."

Beca blinks at this information. "I, wow, I didn't know that's possible. Guess that works for us, too." When Chloe raises an eyebrow, she continues, "I mean, I didn't specify which coffee shop we would meet and I realized there's like 5 here downtown. Yet here you are."

"Interesting. This is the closest coffee shop to where I parked and you're right, I didn't think about that. I just went straight in here."

Even Beca can't deny that even though she's probably the most awkward person in this city right now, Chloe makes her feel comfortable somehow. She's not one to ask questions but she's doing it.

"You drove here? Where are you from?" Beca's eyes widen. "Please don't tell me you're from Canada."

Chloe laughs and Beca swears it's counted as music. "No, silly. I'm from Brooklyn. New York."

"Dude!" she exclaims. "That's like 10 hours."

"7 but close. It's nothing though. Aubrey drove the first half and then she went somewhere off 290 and 495. So I drove less than that. It's nothing really."

"Aubrey? Is she uhh-" Of all the things Beca can pick up from that statement, it's the name drop.

Chloe catches on and giggles, "Oh, no. She's my best friend since my freshman in college. She's the one who was with me through my 3 years of silence. You said it's only been a year for you so I'm guessing you're 21? I'm 23 and sweetie, Aubrey already has her soulmate. I think that's where she is right now."

"Oh." Because really, what else can she say?

"Yeah. She's had hers since she was 20. Never met the person though but Aubrey has been telling me what it feels like to know your soulmate. And first, of course, is their song choices."

Another feeling of guilt strikes again. "I really am sorry about that."

"Beca." Her name sounds eargasmic in Chloe's lips. "I understand that every person is different. I didn't say that to make you feel bad. In fact, you're one of a kind and I love that about you. You do you and choose for yourself. You don't just conform just because. It may not be the norms but if you're not comfortable with it, you don't engage. Yet you made a song to ask me out. That's growth."

Of all the things Beca can pick up on that, especially about being unique which makes her tear up a little, she proves Chloe right by choosing for herself and saying, "So this is a date?"

She receives a smirk and a wink, "I think we established that already. You asked me out through an original composition and I showed up. Hence, a date!"

"Okay, okay. Just want to confirm." It's a simple statement but it gives Beca some needed boost. She may be pale and awkward but now, she's pale and awkward with a little more confidence in her.

"You're quite a character, Beca. I think we're gonna be really fast friends." She can tell Chloe's holding back.

"I mean, we can be more than that, Chloe." Make that a very confident pale and awkward gal. The name that just escaped her lips sounds sweeter and she's looking forward to saying her name more and more in the future.

"Hmmm, depends on how you see this night ending." Teasing. Flirting. Beca can't believe this is still comfortable for her. She guesses this is still part of the connection one can have with their soulmate.

"I see this night ending without Titanium I hope. I love it. I love your song choice. But that song is starting to get tired."

Ratio of the night is 3-1. Chloe blushes at the song mentioned. "I heard you harmonizing with me that night. I wasn't prepared so I stopped."

Beca fails to follow for a second but eventually remembers a few nights ago, right before she sang her song to Chloe. She just nods.

"Titanium is my jam." Chloe hesitates, which is a first for this night. "My lady jam." She confesses.

"Erm, that's nice." Now, it's 4-1 where Beca is leading in the blushing tournament.

"It is. Yeah, that song really builds."

"DUDE! TMI!"

"Sorry, can't help it. I'm really confident about all this." Chloe rolls her eyes but keeps a light grin.

Beca laughs. That's rare, too. But it's fitting at the moment. "You should be."

Chloe joins in and both girls seem to enjoy each other's company so much.

Beca pauses to admire Chloe. As if they're in a movie scene. It's in slow motion and there's glitters and sparkles around Chloe as her laughter echoes like a song in the background. It'll take time, changes perhaps, and room for Beca to grow some more. She still has a lot of fears but knowing her soulmate is this ball of happy rays, she knows she can be encouraged and motivated.

Maybe this is part of their connection. Maybe this is why there's such a high percentage for soulmates to stay in love.

This is the exact picture when Beca realizes she's a little raincloud to Chloe's beaming sunlight.

Worst. Case. Scenario.

* * *

 _End note: Hello! I saw this prompt and got inspired even though I have like, 3 WIPs at the moment. I hope you enjoyed reading because I had fun writing this (my first soulmate AU tbh). Have a nice day!_


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